Description: Older sister driving her brother 15 minutes or so to drop him off at school.
Sister: ah, it's a real blizzard out there today. Thanks for getting the car started.
Brother: No problem.
Sister: The car will heat up eventually, maybe by the time we get there anyway. We need some heated seats, huh?
Brother: ya, it's not so bad though
Sister (talking to the car): oh easy there...
Sister: We're sliding a bit, maybe we'll start with getting some new tires. For now we'll just have to take it slow. Sorry if you're late. The plows haven't come yet.
Brother: it's ok
Sister: you're crazy not to wear a coat.
Brother: I don't need it in class
silence for a bit
Sister: I love this song, wish the radio wasn't so scratchy
Brother: Do you remember our trip to California? This song came on the radio every other station.
Sister: of course, I think that's why I like it.
Brother: me too
Sister: That was a fun trip
Brother: so much has changed since then..
Sister: ya... but not us...
Brother: don't forget, I have to stay after school for a little bit today
Sister: alright I'll pick you up here at three thirty
Brother: thanks
Sister: have a good day! I love you
Brother: I love you too
can I first just say: mine sucks. I didn't really know what I was doing and it had none of these things.
ReplyDeleteaction: The character wants to get to school safely or maybe some nicer upgrades on the car.
Or go deeper, maybe the sister wants a better relationship with her brother.
Conflict: terrible weather. Car problems... not really. It sounds like something happened, or their was a bad experience and she might not know what to say, and Brother is kinda quiet.
Event: they get to school safely. they talk... connect a little bit. Hey it's progress.
Improvements: Everything. Make it interesting. Don't start in at the begining. Maybe them in a fight, or accident, or see something. Have a point to it.